Going Downhill: Transcending The Outer Shell

The Philosopher, C.S. Lewis said, “You don’t have a soul, you are a soul. You have a body.” The more I have ponder this statement, the more I am convinced of its truth. My life is basically my consciousness. I haven’t really changed, but I have grown and matured. I like the person I have become. Yet, my outer shell, my body, has changed. On one level, I went from being a fat person, to being a normal sized person. I have written about this transformation in the past. Our outer shells can help us feel good about ourselves or bad about ourselves, yet when I was heavy or now that I am thinner, I am still the same person.

What has taken me by surprise is that my former excess weight hid the signs of aging in my body. Now that I am thinner, I have wrinkles and sagging skin. I have body pains I never had to deal with in the past. The illusion of still being in my 30′s is gone, and has been replaced by the realization that I’m getting old. I am presently older than my grandfather was when I was born. I am not feeling decrepit, but the awareness is somewhat jarring. Inside, I still feel like a young man in my 30′s, but the reality is, I’m not. My children are in or getting close to their 30′s. As their souls have matured, I have seen them more as peers, and less as children.

As a younger man, I watched my grandparents get very old. I understood this to be the process of life, but I didn’t think much about it. It was what it was. Now that I am older, I help my elderly parents, and have watched them go from being strong to being frail. When I talk to my dad, he is mentally sharp, and I enjoy being with him and talking with him. When I have to assist him to stand, and see the look of trust in his face, like the look of a child trusting his parent, it makes me think that part of his soul is still the child that grew into my father. I grieve for the child in him that is now an old man. It makes me feel more tender towards him. Ecclesiastes 11:10 says, “Therefore remove sorrow from your heart, And put away evil from your flesh, For childhood and youth are vanity.”

When I look at my children, growing and maturing, I am proud of the people they are becoming. I appreciate them, and worry for them having to live in the world they are inheriting, yet I know they will be the souls they have become in whatever happens in the world.

I am a soul, and I have a body. My childhood hero, Mickey Mantle, outlived his father and grandfather. When interviewed, he said if he knew he was going to live longer, he would have taken better care of himself. As I have grown in awareness of my aging, I too wish I had taken better care of myself, and am trying to take better care of myself now, but ultimately, if I live long enough, I will continue to age, and eventually, like my father and grandfather before me, I will become frail.

Some people, when they come to this realization run to plastic surgeons and try to recapture their youthful appearance. The cheapest way is to use hair dyes, but there is nothing that looks more ridiculous than a guy with jet black hair on a wrinkly face. They aren’t fooling anyone. For people with more money, they get face lifts, tummy tucks, and have body sculpting. After I lost the majority of my excess weight, I did have excess skin removed, and it did make me feel like the thinner person I had become, but it didn’t change the person I am. If I had more money, I could have excess skin removed on other parts of my body, but I wouldn’t do it, because it wouldn’t make me feel better than I do now, and wouldn’t make me a better person, and quite frankly, at this stage of my life, I’m in a downhill slide. No matter what I do, it will only be temporary. In the 1960′s, my grandmother had a face lift. By the 1970′s, you couldn’t tell she ever had one.

When you get older, what can you do to improve yourself? You can work on two things: First, its wise to eat healthier. Eating healthy will make you feel better and protect your health. If you are going to age anyway, being healthy is always better than taking medicine and running to doctors.

Secondly, and more important, work on your soul. Whatever you invest in your soul will be with you a lot longer than what you invest in your body. Become the person, not the body, you want to be. You can feel pretty good about yourself if you like the soul you are. The body is superficial, and ultimately goes bad on you. Treat people with kindness. Do acts of charity. Laugh more. Enjoy people and life. Draw near to God. You are getting closer to meeting Him.

Pre-empted Mitzvot

I’ve watched many newly observant people dive into the Mitzvot with great zeal, only to find themselves overwhelmed by the details. Rebbe Nachman of Breslov rightly advised people to gradually take on a life of Torah observance. He recommended people make one mitzvah their special mitzvah that they do with great care and in their best effort, and to do the rest as best they could. In this way, they gradually assimilate their lives to the Torah without killing themselves in the process.

The rabbis understood that taking on the commandments, which even though are a great blessing, are a lifelong endeavor, a lifestyle that someone gradually takes on, and without that gradual adaptation, could be an overwhelming burden. If they gradually become part of your life, they can be a great blessing, but if they are just taken on all at one, they can make you sink like a rock in water.

This approach was designed with compassion in mind. In the times of the Czars in Russia, part of Russian anti-Semitism was to conscript Jewish boys into the army as young as eight years old. The idea was that if they could separate Jewish boys from their families and religion, when they got out of the army 25 years later, they would no longer be Jewish by culture or faith. When any of these young boys returned home after 25 years, they were ignorant of how to live as a Jew and of how to keep the mitzvot. The rabbis determined that such people were to be considered as “lost children” who had come home. They were not expected to suddenly be observant of the mitzvot, but were given the flexibility to do what they could, and learn what they could, without placing a burden on them to “catch up.” This approach didn’t set aside the Mitzvot, but out of compassion, recognized there was a lot to learn, and the Torah was not meant to be a burden, but a blessing.

When I went to seminary, I learned a lot, but it took me almost eight years afterward to fully assimilate what I learned. It takes encouragement to bring people to Torah, and too much can discourage them. This is the approach I take toward newly observant people. I’ve seen people who in their alleged zeal for the Torah, pressure people to conform to their rigid interpretation of how the Torah should be kept. They not only become stricter than need be, they look down on everyone else who doesn’t conform. The irony is, when they are behaving as such, they act more like fundamentalists than Jews in their approach. The Jewish approach to Torah observance is as I mentioned above, with compassion and patience. Being narrow and rigid just is not a very Jewish way to follow Torah. The narrow and rigid people are usually newly observant themselves. We don’t just follow it, we are supposed to have fun when we do it. Being observant is not being a puritan. We always try to help people along gently, and with kindness.

There are also times when a mitzvah is preempted. In Judaism, certain mitzvot supersede others. We are commanded to put on Tefillin every day, but Shabbat is a higher mitzvah so Tefillin are not worn on Shabbat or holidays.

In the days when the Temple stood, things not allowed on Shabbat were permitted in the Temple, like kindling a fire or the priests working. While it is not permitted to sound the shofar on Shabbat, it was permitted in the Temple, because the Temple was greater than Shabbat.

My first experience with an observance being preempted was when I took a trip to Belarus to help feed the Jewish poor. It was just before Sukkot, and as I was preparing to leave, my rabbi and teacher advised me that I was exempted from sitting in the Sukkah because I was involved in a higher mitzvah.

This past week, as we finished our first Passover Seder, I got a call from my mom. My dad was taken to the hospital. I rushed to the hospital, and spent the entire holiday there. While I was able to observe the commandment to abstain from bread, and I could get matzoh, I missed out on all the fun of the holiday, with the special foods and being with friends. My holiday observance, my favorite one was preempted by a more important mitzvah, taking care of my parents. I will have to wait until next year to do Passover again, but spending this time with my parents was priceless.

I could have made myself crazy by trying to do it all, but God didn’t give the Torah to make us crazy, but to bless us and sanctify our lives as we gradually conform our lives to His design as laid out in the commandments.

Addiction to Negativity

We live in an age of addictions. I grew up hearing about drug addicts, and had a brother-in-law who died from an overdose. Other people are addicted to food, and others to alcohol. The reason for some addictions is physical, as in the case of drugs or cigarettes. Other addictions are psychological, as people seek to escape the more painful aspects of their lives. I have noticed over many years, that some people are addicted to negativity.

Like most addictions, people who are addicted to negativity mask it with the notion that they are doing something noble, or filled with righteous indignation. Indeed, there are people who are noble, and are filled with righteous indignation who seek to challenge the status quo and change society for good, like the people who fought for civil rights for various groups.

People who are addicted to negativity are not just filled with righteous indignation, they are truly addicted. The symptoms of addiction can be seen in their response to what is going on in their lives: they are always angry about something, and rarely happy. When you solve one problem, they find another issue to be upset about. They are never satisfied or happy. Because they have taken up some cause, it makes them seem noble, and they can hide behind “the cause,” so they don’t appear to be negative.

I have a friend who was always angry about something; either the way things were being handled by those in charge, or how someone was treating someone else, or the low standards of an organization, or the lack of respect they received from others. I was always trying to appease him, trying to point out the positive aspects of the situation, but it was never good enough. On several occasions, this person turned on me, and made me seem to be part of the problem. What I came to realize, was that this person was addicted. He was like a magnet for negative, angry, disgruntled people. I watched the effect their negative words and attitudes had on him. It fed him like a drug. He got more angry as he pursued his crusade of righteousness, and it only made him more bitter.

Being around such a person was emotionally draining on me, and I soon felt like I was being abused. While I didn’t take up his crusade, I hung in with him for the sake of friendship. I was getting depressed, and putting up with his moods made me feel manipulated, so I started to distance myself from him. It wasn’t that difficult to do. I just waited for him to get upset, and let him go. As I look back on that experience, I enabled his bad behavior. He had a number of emotional issues, and even though I created a safe place for him to vent his emotions, it took its toll on me. I did heal, and moved on, but I won’t put myself in that position again.

He isn’t the only person in which I have noticed this behavior. I have another friend who has had a pattern of negativity over the past 35 years, where whatever he has done, has failed. He can’t understand why people go elsewhere, but he’s so negative, he tends to draw negative people to himself and scares off normal people. He never even considers the problem is himself, and I can’t even suggest it to him, because he knows better than me.

I know others as well who fit the profile. What I have observed, is that people with a negativity addiction can be great friends, and people whose friendships I treasure, but when I observe the effect of other people’s negativity on them, it makes me cringe. It’s like a drug to them, and it fuels anger and bitterness. It’s natural for people to become angry when they hear of injustice or wrongdoing, but for most people, it’s not an everyday occurrence. People who live with these addicted souls either learn to live with it, or ignore it.

The question that presents itself is how do you deal with a negativity addict? First, recognize that they do have a very real problem. You can’t help, if you don’t recognize what you are dealing with.

Secondly, I believe you deal with them as you would deal with any addict; you don’t give an alcoholic a drink, or a drug addict drugs, so you don’t feed negative words to a negativity addict. I try to be positive around them, and don’t discuss problems with them; not because they can’t be trusted, but out of a desire to help them and not feed their addiction.

Thirdly, set up limits for yourself. Don’t let yourself be abused or drained of your emotional strength. Be there for them, but don’t let them rob you of your own enjoyment of life. Life is hard enough without letting others sap you of all your emotional energy. Bear one another’s burdens, but that doesn’t mean taking up every cause. Speak the truth in love, and be willing to be rebuffed if they don’t accept what you say, but don’t be afraid to let go for the sake of your own peace of mind.

In the end, if you let them drag you down, you can’t be of help to anyone else.

The Least Of These; What I Learned From My Dog

I got my first greyhound after my divorce. Jamba was a Fawn colored retired track dog I rescued from a local rescue group. Rescued greyhounds are literally rescued. They are treated badly on the track, and before they had rescue groups, they were usually shot when they were no longer making money for their owners. He was a great companion and rescued me during my time of loneliness. He died eight months later from bone cancer in his hip.

After I remarried, I wanted another greyhound. I was remarried with a young son, so we contacted the rescue group, and went to see what dogs were available. I found a young fawn greyhound who looked like Jamba, and decided to take him. When we were getting ready to leave, my wife and son came to me about another dog. I never considered having two greyhounds, as they are big dogs. He was black, and was the only greyhound not taken. He was older, had been adopted, but given back because his owner was too old to take care of him. His teeth were bad, and he had pretty bad breath. I was told black greyhounds don’t get adopted as quickly as other dogs. In addition, he was eight years old. People don’t want dogs that old because older dogs health declines faster, and you don’t have them as long. I looked at him, behind the fence, all alone. He was the greyhound no one wanted. I felt sad for him, so we talked to the rescue people, and they gave us a special price, so we took both. I named our fawn greyhound Cookie, and the black one I named Moonshine.

Cookie was the looker. He was beautiful and graceful, and outgoing. Moonshine was just a black dog. He was more reserved. He liked to lie around and was not nearly as food driven as Cookie. I figured that was because he was older. Cookie tended to favor my wife, but Moonshine attached himself to me. He would hang around when I was watching TV. I shared my snacks and coffee with him. He seemed to be the number two dog, but of the two, Moonshine was the gentleman. He seemed to understand that he was adopted, and looked to us with appreciation. He quietly worked his way into our hearts.

When we moved to Florida, we drove down, with both dogs sharing the back seat of our sedan. I asked our vet for “doggie downers” to keep the dogs quiet and relaxed during the two-day drive. They slept the whole trip except for when we stopped to eat. I got them each a burger from the drive-thru, and they took turns sticking their snoots between our seats as we fed them.

Moonshine was clearly the less demonstrative of our two dogs. When visitors came, he would go to the door and greet them, then go lie down. Cookie was more exuberant, but then followed Moonshine’s lead. When we’d walk them, it looked like we had pet deer. Moonshine was sleek and graceful. He was physically more hesitating, but he looked at me with trusting eyes. I grew to love him and called him my little boy.

As he aged, I watched him carefully lie down, and carefully get up. His face and muzzle became gray. He was obedient, and faithful; everything you would want in a dog. As he got older, it was increasingly obvious that he was in pain. He would yelp when he got up or lay down. He started to lose weight, looking almost emaciated. His teeth also caused him pain, and it got to the point that I was afraid to pet him, for fear of hurting him. He ate less, and was uneasy on his feet. We reached the point where his pain meds weren’t working. He started to become incontinent. We reached the difficult decision that life was no longer good for Moonshine.

We talked with our vet, and decided it would be too painful for Moonshine to get into the car, so we had her come to the house. My wife took Cookie and our son for a walk, so they wouldn’t be present. I stayed with Moonshine. He was given two injections, and he was gone. I’m still crying. The dog no one wanted was a kind, calm, peaceful presence in my life, and now he’s gone. He made an incalculable difference in my life. Sometimes the people we esteem the least, ultimately mean the most. I hope to God that I can make such a difference in the lives of others.

How Long Do You Want To Live?

We live in an age of medical miracles. Illnesses and conditions that ended people’s lives less than a decade ago are repaired by simple procedures and medicines. My maternal grandfather died in his 60s. My uncle, whom I was named after, died before his 60th birthday from complications of obesity. On the other hand, my grandmother died at 93, and my paternal grandfather lived to be over 100.

At the same time, my grandmother lost her eyesight to macular degeneration when she was 87. She was miserable. My grandfather was in better health until he was 99, and really only suffered in the last few months of his life.

My parents are in their mid 80′s. My mom is in reasonably good health. My dad can’t walk, and is seriously overweight. I am always taking them to doctors. Nevertheless, my dad is my hero, and even if it is somewhat selfish, I want my parents around as long as possible. They mean a great deal to me, and helped make me the person I am. I still find myself trying to impress them, even at this stage of my life, and wishing my grandparents were alive to see how much weight I lost.

It makes me ponder how long I want to live. First, there is the physical factor. How bad can my health be before I would not want to live anymore? Would I be willing to live without my eyesight or hearing? My dad lost his hearing when he was a teenager, but he kept on living, and has had a meaningful life. My grandmother lost her eyesight, but kept on living. There are personal quality of life issues we have to consider. I was seriously overweight like my father and my uncle, but through surgery, I dodged that bullet. I understand what it means to have a new lease on life. I inherited high blood pressure from my grandmother, but it’s controlled through medication. Like most people, I want to live as long as I am healthy. If I’m in good health, and can function normally, I’m willing to go the distance. But there are other factors that play into this decision.

Having my grandparents alive and in my life until I was 40, made a big difference in my life. Having my parents in my life as I approach 60 is a wonderful thing. My parents have always been there for me, and although I know the day will come when they are not, it makes me cherish the time I have with them, even if I am taking them to doctors appointments, or just hanging out at their apartment for a few hours. Even if my health was less than perfect, I would want to be alive or active in my children’s lives, and in the lives of their children. I’d be willing to live longer with illness or diminished capacity as long as I could still be in the lives of my children, and if they have children, in their lives. I want to be alive to see my children get married, and have children. I want to be there for my grandchildren’s Bar and/or Bat Mitzvahs. I want to see my children and grandchildren get married.

I nearly died several months ago from a serious illness; but through the miracles of surgery and medications, and by the grace of God to make it happen, I made a full recovery. While I lay in the hospital bed, considering the possibility of impending death, I argued with God, asking what would become of my wife and teenage son, and what would this do to my parents and older children, and what would happen to the people I help in different parts of the world? I also wondered who would attend my funeral. God heard me and I pulled through.

How long we want to live can’t be selfish and just about what is comfortable for us. It must also be considerate of the people in our lives, and the part we play in their lives. I am willing to go the distance, and play my part in the lives of the people in my life. Its not a question of how good we feel, but of how important we are in the lives of others. We are important in their lives, because they are important in ours.

Justice and Compassion

People do a lot of things in the name of justice. Justice is important. The Torah teaches, “‘You shall do no injustice in judgment: you shall not be partial to the poor, nor show favoritism to the great; but in righteousness shall you judge your neighbor.

“The story of Les Miserables is a story of injustices being overcome, and wrongs being made right. The Holy Scriptures teach the importance of pursuing justice, impartially, for the poor as well as the rich. Even our court system has the symbol of “Justice” blindfolded, to indicate that true justice is impartial. Seeking justice is an admirable pursuit.

That being said, it is good to recognize that there is a fine line between Justice and Judgment. In the name of justice, people judge others, and harm others. The problem with judging others, is that those doing the judging make themselves the judge and jury. Yeshua taught, “Judge not, lest you yourselves be judged. “For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.”

It is one thing to seek justice, and another to seek retribution and judgment. Judgment is to be reserved for God. This is why Yeshua said you should turn the other cheek. It doesn’t mean we should become the world’s doormats, it means we trust God to make wrongs right rather than take matters into our own hands.

Even in the case of the woman caught in adultery, her accusers had a good case. She was caught in the act of adultery. The Torah said she should be stoned. Regarding justice, this was not a victim-less crime. Consider her husband. Yeshua didn’t address the adultery. He didn’t sweep it under the carpet as if it didn’t matter. Under the Torah, this was a capital crime. Yeshua focused not on the sin, and not on the sinner, but on the accusers. He looked at these seekers of justice and said, “Let him who is without sin, cast the first stone.” One by one, we are told, they dropped their stones and left. The point was not that adultery was acceptable, or that the woman was not guilty, or that her sin didn’t matter. The point was that we are not the ones who are to be the judges. God is the judge.

I admit that its impossible to go through life and not make judgments. We make judgement calls every day regarding people and situations. We need to make them because life calls upon us to make decisions regarding people and situations that will help govern our actions. There is a line between making a decision about how I will make personal choices and becoming a pursuer of those whom I believe are guilty. The Torah demanded at least two or three witnesses before judgment could be meted out because a person who feels wronged can not truly be impartial in judgment.

The fact of our ability to be at best, imperfect meters of justice is seen in the Torah itself. Cities of refuge were designated for people who were guilty by circumstance, who committed crimes by accident and not pre-meditation or volition. In the name of justice, they could have rightly been put to death, even though the crime might have happened unintentionally. They were permitted to flee to a city of refuge where they would live until the death of the High Priest, whose death served as an atonement for him. These cities were not formed to evade justice, but recognized that blind justice may be technically right and still be wrong. That’s why God alone is the true Judge.

The interesting thing about Les Miserables, is that it is a story of gross life changing injustice, pursuit by law, and radical attempts to restore justice. Against this backdrop is the kindness of one man who changes the life of another, who brings life altering kindness and grace to others, and finds in the end that it is a spiritual revolution that brings what world[y attempts at seeking justice fall far short of, and by comparison are impotent and ineffective. In the end, the world goes on, for good or for bad. Spiritual reality comes about by spiritual means. Using might and muscle may bring about another crusade, but it will never be able to bring about the spiritual reality we seek.

Samaritans Among Us

Jereboam, son of Nebat was the man who split the kingdom of Israel away from the kingdom of Judah. God was in the separation, he said he was. God even came to Jereboam and told him if he would keep the ways of Torah, he would establish his dynasty. To be fair, Jereboam did this after a fashion. He established the Torah as the religion of Israel. He built two temples, in Dan and Bethel. He made them similar to the Temple in Jerusalem, with a few “modifications.” The first issue, was that he said anyone could be a Kohain, a priest; doing away with the requirement to be a descendant of Aaron, or even the need for someone to be a Levite. In our egalitarian society, that would not seem to be a big deal, but since it was a command of God, to Him it was a big deal.

Secondly, because he was afraid if people went to Jerusalem to worship God, they might be tempted to reunite with Judah’s kingdom, so he built the two aforementioned temples, doing away with the need for going to Jerusalem. This violated the command in Deuteronomy that stated that when Israel came to worship God, they needed to go to the one place God would choose in one of their tribes. This too would be acceptable to us in our day and age because we like to stay local if possible.

The third problem was the way the temples were set up. They had altars for sacrifice just like in Jerusalem, but instead of the Ark of the Covenant, they had golden cows made, which they claimed symbolized the God of Israel. They were able to say they didn’t worship foreign gods, and were worshipping the one true God of Israel, but considering the incident with the golden calf at Sinai, they should have realized it was a problem. Maybe they rationalized it away. Maybe they felt because Jews used it for worship, it was acceptable. In any case, it was not. God called their worship an abomination for the above reasons, and He never accepted it as credible, acceptable worship. They followed the Torah, but in their own way.

Eventually, the northern tribes were taken into captivity, and the king of Assyria moved other people groups into Israel to populate the area. The scripture says God sent wild animals among them because of their pagan idolatry, so the complained to the king who sent priests from among Israel’s captives back to the land to teach the Torah to its new inhabitants. They were not Jews, and followed the Torah after a fashion, but they modified it in several ways to fit what they were doing. These people became the Samaritans. They were not physical descendants of Jacob, yet they took on the identity of Israel because thats where they lived. When Yeshua dialogued with the Samaritan woman, he said, “You worship what you don’t know, we worship what we know, for salvation is of the Jews.” He affirmed the Jewish legitimacy and did not affirm Samaritan identity or religion.

There are many today who claim to follow the Torah, but they do it when and how its convenient, and they do it in a way that suits their lifestyle or their theological proclivities. They tie their tzitzit to their belt loops, they use the Sacred Name as if it were common, they blow shofars any time the mood hits them, and in other ways, make things up as they go along. I’ve met people who claim to be from Israel’s tribes, even meeting a woman who claimed to be a “Levite Princess.” The problem is that it lacks legitimacy. They are not lost tribes of Israel, and they are really not following the Torah. I do believe a Messianic Gentile can rightly follow the Torah, but not anyway they choose. They need to go to Jerusalem, not Samaria to worship rightly. When I look at their claims, I see Samaritan written all over them. If it were only that, I could ignore it and take a live and let live approach, even though I believe their worship is wrong. Its true that Rabbinic religion developed later, and today is not a Temple-based religion, everything in it recalls the Temple service, and Yeshua did say that whatever the Scribes and Pharisees tell you to do, do it, for they sit in the seat of Moses.

The problem is far worse than religious disagreement. The Scripture teach that when Nehemiah brought the exiles home from captivity, they set about to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem. It was a hard and dangerous task. As they worked, the Samaritans came and accused them, and threatened them, that they might lose heart and give up their task. They became opposers to the work of rebuilding the Jewish state. Many of us are working hard to rebuild Messianic Judaism; that it might be what it was, which is part of the Jewish world. The churches look at us askance or as a curiosity, but do little to help. Our biggest problem comes from the Samaritans. They accuse us and oppose us because we are not affirming the rightness of their endeavor. They seek to ensnare us with side issues and bog us down with their doctrines and practices, and when we try to instruct them, they feel rejected and oppose us. As the Samaritans rejected the calling and authority of Nehemiah, so do the modern day Samaritans reject the authority and importance of Messianic Judaism. Nevertheless, we are entrusted with rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem. Our God is with us, and it will be built. There is room for Messianic Gentiles to come along with us, but not Samaritans.